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You know, those DEVO guys were right. When a problem comes along...you MUST whip it. And whip it good. Unless of course your problem is genital warts, then you might want to try something else.

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I think rectangles are cooler than squares.

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I wanna do the Timewarp again....then go to the Waffle House and get some biscuits and gravy!!!!

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All your presents are belong to us!!!!! Leroy Jenkins!!!!!!!!

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Mental note...Do NOT use hot glue and bailing wire to wrap Xmas presents.

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I love duct tape!!!!!! Oh and McDonalds french fries!!!!!

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I'm glad that God didn't put our noses right next to our butt. That could have been annoying.

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Did you know that you can look at pictures of nekkid ladies on this here internet thing?

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I had the munchies so bad earlier I was wishing for 2 mouth's so I could eat faster.

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Why did I get a tattoo on my back? I threw my neck out trying to look at it.

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Cat farts stink.

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How come when I play Mario Brothers I cuss in an Italian accent?

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Veggietales needs a new character. "Uncle Pickled". He drinks a bit.

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So I was watching Sesame Street yesterday at 4:20 and a strange thought popped in my head. What if the cookie monster really DID eat the letter D?

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I just realized I have a love-hate relationship with my butt.

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Some people look at stuff and say why. Others look at something and say why not. I look at something and say, "You know, I really like that cheez in a can"

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I sure like having thumbs. Yay for thumbs!!!!

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I was riding in the car yesterday. I saw this anti-smoking billboard. In big letters it said "I'm your commute cigarette." and under it I'm sure it said some other crap but I didn't read it. But I did look at the cigarette I was about to smoke and said "Nice to meet you commute cigarette, I'm the guy who's going to smoke you."

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Thou shalt NOT use a hammer on a computer, no matter how mad it makes me.

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I was looking at the sky yesterday afternoon. I thought "That cloud looks like an airplane" Then I realized, it was a plane. Maybe I should stop the drugs.

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You know, I think I WOULD smoke weed with Willie again...assuming of course if I ever smoked weed with him in the 1st place.

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Never EVER tell Ray Lewis he ain't "man enough to shove that football up my ass!!"" again.

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That Veggietales candy tastes like a rainbow crapped in my mouth.

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I need to invent weightless candy, so people can walk around eating it like pac-man.