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Mental note...never EVER get drunk and boast to your wife that you ARE, in fact, man enough to wash her cat.

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Vince was right....I DO love his nuts.

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So yesterday a bunch of friends and I jumped into my chartreuse microbus to spread the Message but we got hung up in terrible traffic.

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I went to a party with a bunch of farm boys last night. I had a great time but I woke up this morning and noticed my car was painted John Deere Green. Ugh.

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That chick from that movie lied. Band camp SUCKS!!!!!

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Note to self. Holding down your wife and drawing a Hitler mustache on her with a Sharpie is NOT a very good idea.

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Stayed at a little Hotel called The Bates Motel last night. The couple next to me must have been having a LOT of fun. The girl was screaming like she was being murdered.

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I talked to Chewbacca earlier today. Him and Han were foolin around with some hookers on their last trip to Coruscant and Chewie got a case of the crabs. Everywhere. Poor guy.

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Bad day yesterday. For Valentine's day I think I gave my girlfriend Herpes.

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Exposing yourself to blind people is pointless. But still fun.

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A cop stopped me today. Took me in for DUI, however he didn't have the vehicle impounded, he let Wal-Mart have their electric cart back

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Heard an interesting comment today at the Jedi academy, Master Yoda handed me a Rubik's Cube and said "Confusing as hell, this thing is."

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I need a better search engine. I can't find black Siamese twin porn.

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I got a booger on my Fushigi

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Big day today, met the President. But learned that asking him to "pull my finger" is inappropriate.