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It's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine. I'm with Leeroy Jenkins and we have chicken.

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Billboards on the side of the highway are not meant to be taken literally...do not "exit now", wait for appropriate exit.

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Yoda say "The end of the sentence, prepositions, do not place at."

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I hate chiggers!!!

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"Livin' On A Prayer" is an awesome song but a crappy lifestyle.

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I must be the only one who starts licking the TV screen when Elizabeth Hurley comes on.

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I bet life for stoners in Hershey PA is....fattening.

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My favorite color is ultraviolet...I assume

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Sticking your hands in your pants while talking to someone else is wrong. Sticking your hands in someone else's pants while talking to yourself is wronger.

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Use of the word epic has risen to epic proportions.

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Mr Krabs has impeccable swordfish fighting technique.

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Nosferatu hates sparkly vampires.

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I hate having songs that I don't know the words to as earworms.

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Am I the only one who was rooting for Gargamel?

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Use of Magic-8-Ball in search for missing keys was....counterproductive.

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I always said I would end up on TV....now granted it was "World's Dumbest" but I made it. Plus Loni Love liked it and that's good enough for me.

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I bet lumberjacks would love lightsabers.

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Do not tell Kindergarten class that grasshoppers taste like chocolate.

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Rain Man was right, Kmart DOES suck.

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I wonder why there weren't any paparazzi on Coruscant. You think they'd be everywhere.

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I didn't post yesterday. I got sidetracked by Twizzlers.

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According to wife, bacon is not a side dish to fried pork chops.

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When in food fights, I like to throw meat at the vegan.

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I has a sad...no one calls me the gangster of love.

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Pulling out and licking dentures in fancy French restaurant is rude, especially if they're someone else's dentures.

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It's hard to say nipple without smirking.

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I've been mostly stoned all day.

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I wonder if Samson could have a mullet.

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I wonder if there's a Swiss Army Knife that has a one-hitter on it.

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I'm not gay but even I would have had sex with skinny Elvis.

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Yes, I am a racist, but I hate them all....even mine.

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It's too bad that Johnny Cash, Queen and Aretha Franklin never did a song together.

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I like to fart in elevators.

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What I learned today. It doesn't matter how hard I push the damn button, if it's not plugged in, it's NOT gonna work.

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Yay!!!! My shrink told my wife that I can now be trusted with plastic spoons!!!!!

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Compared to people nowadays, fat Elvis....not so fat.

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Funny day at the Jedi Academy today. I overheard Master Yoda telling Master Windu "Hungry I am, smoked weed with Willie I should not have"